holi-daze

the last few months have been a blur of work and play, and somehow i've found myself on the other side of fall, staring christmas - and all it brings - right in the face.

this past weekend, sister, e and many, many sweet friends gathered to throw me a gatsby-inspired celebration of a lifetime (30 years to be exact) and it couldn't have been more perfect. i looked around at all the smiles and love in that room and my heart almost burst. it was yet again another sign, confirming i'm exactly where i should be in my life and i don't think i've felt a stronger joy.

this thursday, after e and i participate in our respective work holiday soirees, we'll head to NC for our annual christmas celebration with family. i'm looking forward to heading down south to the land of the pines, lounging in some comfies and starring at the lights on two trees, each in a warm, familiar environment. i'll have cookies, mom's spaghetti and burgin beale's spiked eggnog. i'm excited to hug all their necks and truly live "off the grid" for a few days, which always forces me to slow down. i'll visit with gram + grandaddy, i'll remember christmas evenings with grandma + papa beale and i'll watch the christmas story at least 3 times.

i'll officially ring in 30 on the 24th, with e in a small bar in chapel hill. we'll have a beer and take a shot. he'll tell me how he can't believe i was 22 when we first met. and i'll ask him if i'm the hottest 30 year old he knows (he'll say duh). then i'll open his gift (the first of the day) and we'll head back for late night cookies and bed. after many moments of agony over the past few months, it's safe to say i'm approaching a feeling of excitement about this new chapter. yes, i look at it as an end to much that i know, but i'm excited about the beginning it marks as well and all in all, i remind myself i haven't even reached the middle yet. all the faces of friends and family this weekend, the dances, the drinks, and the pure happiness soothed my anxiety, reminding myself that all this is only possible because of the passing of that bittersweet frenemy, time.

merry christmas to you and yours. may your reminiscing of the past, excitement for the future and most importantly, enjoyment of the present keep you all warm and cozy!

xx

coming up roses.

ten years ago my dad reached remission after a seriously tough battle with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. he entered the winter of 2001 with his head as bare as the trees and his skin as grey as the december sky. needless to say, while he was indeed the same man, this was a side of him i'd never seen. but...in the nick of time and right on par with the seasons, spring brought a breakthrough in his diagnosis - just when my whole family needed it most. his eyelashes and brows began to sprout like the azaleas and on my visits home from college, i watched color and strength return to both the backyard and my father. i've vowed to never forget that feeling of hope returning. everything appeared new again, diminishing all signs of what that winter had brought. it was truly a spring like no other and since then that's how each one has been for me.

this quote sums up that spring in 2002 as well as how i still feel today. it'll never cease to amaze me that just when i've almost forgotten what sun feels like, how bright green grass is or how fragrant flowers are, spring swoops in proving it does in fact still exist and nothing has ever been quite so sweet.

love story.

In some ways, I've been thinking of how I'd write this post ever since we arrived. My thoughts have morphed from: "Homeward Bound" with a story of how after three years we were (finally) returning to our southern roots, to: "Maybe a Chance for More," followed by how I was beginning to envision my future in this new home, only to have now arrived at a full-on "Never Leaving New England."

Among the many gates in Harvard Square leading onto campus, there is one through which I choose to consistently pass when hoping to dodge the chaos and cut straight to home. Inscribed above the opening it reads, “Enter to Grow in Wisdom.” Every.single.time. I pass through that gate, I smile a bit and feel a sense of pride. I didn’t go to Harvard undergrad and certainly will not be graduating from the Law School, but I absolutely grew in wisdom. And not just wisdom: I grew in love.

I’ve been wondering if I’d ever be able to truly recount the memories I’ve made over the last three years and the people I’ve met. And if I did remember all of those things – good + bad – could I do any of it justice when writing it down? And here goes my attempt, to follow in Erich Segal’s footsteps and tell a (much) shorter, but similarly sweet story of love set in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

It started with just the two of us. Leaving our homes and others we loved for a future solely ours. We were nervous - about everything. While at times we were certain law school (specifically 1L) at Harvard would be the worst and ultimately the end of life as we knew it, it turns out that it was actually the best. While E worked hard to make deadlines, meet people and earn the grades, we somehow found an insane amount of time to spend together. Breaks of all kinds: lunch, fall, winter (times 2) and spring; early afternoons off on a Friday for trips to the Cape or weekend getaways with friends; fun outings to attend on school nights; time to host parties ourselves – it’s actually kind of crazy to look back on it all now. Our love, trust and support grew quickly and immensely in this unique environment, and it couldn’t have been more fitting for our year of engagement and our first years of marriage. I’ll forever - forever - remember how we were in this time.

Then the love grew within myself. I learned my way around Cambridge and Boston. Checked out new spots around town I’d read about for food, drinks or atmosphere. Ate, drank and shopped by myself. Found a new job and made contacts. Pursued plans and eventually, friendships with interesting people I met. Planned our wedding. Picked up some law school lingo. Worked on my long-distance relationships. Grew accustomed to the cold. Re-worked my wardrobe (shoes + all). Learned to let go, and mean it. And, I wrote. I wrote about it all, recording my humble southern view of everything. With this came a confidence. I was slowly becoming the woman I had envisioned being for many years.

It continued with my surroundings. If you’ve read previous entries, you’ll see there’s not much I don’t like about this place. Growing up Southern, I never really knew a true spring or fall, and they’re simple beautiful. I’ve even come to like winter. There’s a quiet that comes along with the cold and I find a calm in it. We’re close to the Cape, apple orchards, ski resorts and New York City, all of which we take advantage. Boston is a vibrant city that isn’t overwhelming and Cambridge offers the feel of a small laid-back town that fits our lifestyle most days + nights. This place was different than where I’d come from, and I can’t explain the excitement that eventually filled me after the initial sadness of saying goodbye wore off.

But perhaps what I was least prepared for was how quickly my love soon spread to others. Over bottles of wine, holiday parties + various themed get-togethers (prom party anyone?), scorpion bowls, LOST recaps, spring break planning, impromptu karaoke performances, cookouts, small talk at formals and happy hours of various organizations, I developed a handful of friends. And they quickly became my weekly staples for fun, gossip and general girl catch-up. And while we won’t be left alone (far from it, as we have a solid group of amazing friends not of the law school crowd) the streets of our immediate neighborhood are sure to feel like somewhat of a ghost town after these friends disperse down the coast and across the country over the next few weeks. I find myself at a loss, and with an even longer list of long-distance upkeep than I had when I first arrived.

The truth of the matter is, in the beginning, the move I thought was sure to rock my lifeboat, did just that. But in ways I never could’ve imagined. I was forced to walk outside the lines that I’d drawn for myself. Forced to open up to types of people + places I’d never experienced. Forced to look at my relationship with E in ways that I hadn’t even thought to. And most of all, forced to see myself in a light that I’d never stepped into.

We came here to do one thing, and it is done. I’m excited for the new chapter on which we’re about to embark. We’ll be staying here another year while E completes his clerkship over in Boston. And I’ll continue to immerse myself in everything this area offers, knowing that one day, possibly in a year or two, we will be moving on yet again.

But thanks to the last three years, if there’s any wisdom that I have gained, it’s that the best part of life actually lies through the gates of the unexpected. And that, is the best southern perspective I could’ve ever received.

xx

carolina girl.

when i'm feeling a little emotional or just need a good catharsis, sometimes the mere mention of Carolina can bring a tear to my eye. i love that state, and although i don't quite yearn for it like i used to when i first moved, the spot in my heart for it is still very much soft. super-soft.

the Old North State keeps attracting lovers and if you've ever been - even just passed through - then it's no big secret why. beautiful beaches, rolling hills, the great smoky mountains and tea almost as sweet as the accents are just a short list of things that make NC a top candidate not only for a vacation, but a permanent stop.

i don't know if it's in my cards to live in Carolina again, but regardless of that, it'll always be my home, as in where my heart is, and therefore, a bit of my soul too.

for you: a few lines from some of my favorites that praise the Tarheel Territory almost as much as i do.
And for North Carolina: know you are always in my mind.
---------
tennessee's a brother to my sister, carolina, where they're gonna bury me. i ain't ready to go, i'm never ready to go.
let it ride, let it ride easy down the road. let it ride, let it take away all of this darkness.
let it ride, let it rock me in the arms of strangers, angels, until it brings me home.
let it ride, let it roll, let it go.
ryan adams

woke up in another lifetime, it's a shame it's just not right now.
dreamin' of the coast of carolina, dreamin' of the way that you would smile.
telekinesis

i leave today, i'm packing light, a suitcase + toiletries. the rolling hills, the willow trees of carolina wait for me....all the way, the entire state, of carolina waits for me.
ben gibbard

oh my sweet carolina, may you one day carry me home.
ryan adams

and ain't it just like a friend of mine, to hit me from behind, i'm gone to carolina in my mind.
james taylor

warm love.

valentine's day has always been a favorite of mine. i love pink. i love red. i love hearts. and, i'm a huge fan of love. love for anything really: the husby, the friends, mac+cheese, designer shoes, the cat - WHATever.

some people may argue that i use "love" too much, as i'm always loving one thing or another - OK, maybe it does go a little overboard when i go on + on about the little old man who lives next door... but i personally think that we don't use love enough.

a few days before this one, you can normally find me preparing some home-made valentine's for all my peeps. i glitter them up nice + pretty with some sweet messages + send them on down the coast or across the country to be opened - fingers crossed i'll make it on a fridge. but this year, i failed. between work, traveling and just getting caught up in my daily life in general, i didn't make those lovie dovie hellos. and i feel worse for it. i know that those things bring a smile to those who receive them. and the thoughts of those smiles make me all warm + fuzzy inside. and isn't that the best feeling of all? isn't that what this love thing's all about?

e + i have a rather nice, simple valentine's tradition. we exchange cards + make the same dinner. every year. when we first started, it was early in our relationship + i didn't want to make a big fuss about it all. plus, it was important to me to have not just this day stand out + be filled with love, but all the days in between. he couldn't have agreed more which is what has helped make us so fantastic these many years later.

whatever you do today, i hope you see some love. the warm, fuzzy kind. send it on out there too, cause it will always - in some way, shape or form - come back to you.

and for my ladies who normally get one of those sparkly beauts: this one's for you:
happy valentine's day!

simply, having, a wonderful christmas time

it's true. i love christmas.

and what's not to love about it? strings of lights, bright + metallic-colored decorations, those all-to-familiar tunes on the radio, the hustle + bustle of stores...i could go on.
then there's that feeling. you know the one: excitement. not necessarily the same as when you were a kid - but i think it's better.

sure, it takes a bit longer for me to feel it (it normally kicks in when i arrive around my family in NC). and maybe it's about different things (i now prefer the breakfast before or the bourbon-laced eggnog after presents, over the actual opening of them). but there's an excitement there nonetheless.

i look for it in faces of strangers, my friends and to be honest, myself. i reach inside for the reminder that while i don't believe in santa claus, i do believe in christmas and all that it brings.

i believe there's no place like home (wherever that may be) for the holidays.
i believe that through the years we all will be together - if the fate's allowed.
i believe that we all need a little christmas, right this very minute.
i believe in the jingle bell rock.
i believe that christmas eve will find me - wherever i am.
and most of all, i believe it's the most wonderful time of the year.

so cheers to you + yours this season. enjoy this time with friends, family and, most importantly, yourself. listen to those tunes that never change from year to year. drive around to check out decorations in your neighborhood (you'll get quite a show in some places). go stand beside the christmas tree in the middle of town. maybe even make some cookies to leave for santa.

whatever you do, wherever you are, whoever you're with, just be sure to have yourself a merry little christmas.

merry christmas from the fletchers!

doubtless, we've been through this, so if you want to follow me you should know:
i was lost then and i am lost now, and i doubt i'll ever know which way to go.

- the broken bells, vaporize

beautiful, honest words. every time i hear/sing them, i think to myself: "big deal, still go with."

dear e,
when we grow up (although i hope that never happens) can we have a kitchen that looks like this + has a view like that?
so lived in, so loved in, so...perfect.
think about it,
me

my best friend's wedding.

somewhere between a cookout on thursday night + getting ready for her best friend’s wedding on saturday afternoon, a gal found herself strolling down memory lane.

in a setting so familiar I could’ve called it home + surrounded by so many people that helped me become who I am today, my heart + soul relocated the soft spot for wilmington, nc. it was a surreal moment to watch a kindred spirit get married and reconnecting with friends from my past was just as touching.

cheers to the cape fear river, drinks downtown, wrightsville waves and first dances at weddings.
cheers to growing up, moving on, forgetting feuds and recalling memories.
cheers to loving, committing and a common bond.
cheers to the old + new: friends AND versions of yourself.

Congrats Caroline + Sean!