Monday, September 29, 2008

my right to wear red

my sister visited this weekend. it was the first time in awhile that i felt complete. it's funny how i've just assumed that normal is the way i feel when i'm on the bus or walking across the river, or sitting alone watching tv. because it's not.

the nice thing about allison is that she's like a charger for me. she recharges my battery: my excitement, my mind, my heart. she makes me see that the situation i'm in - no matter what it be- is not bad. she is a fantastic reminder as to what i'm able to do and she encourages me to do it always...even if she's not around.

allison and all her beautiful physical attributes can and does wear all things gorgeous. if you have the privilege of knowing allison or if you've checked out her blog and her firm, george pr, then you know this about her. she has an impeccable eye for style. i would be envious except for the fact that i know it is rare so therefore i am proud and also because i'm the little sis, i can access her knowledge for free. :)

the topic this weekend, in between christian louboutin booties, faux leather jackets and bond no. 9, was bright red lipstick - a never-ceasing seasonal fave of fashion mags and a look that a.beale can pull off so well. where i've seen a red lipstick or two come and go in alli's makeup bag, there was a specific one she was looking to find this fall: lipstick queen's red sinner.

allison, sharing my ability to become overly "fill-in-the-blank" had read an article in this month's marie claire about the creator of the shade and how it all came to be. allison was inspired then and there. we'll support any fine woman who readily admits that even when her boyfriends went, the lipstick stayed. i will read this story myself right after i finish this blog, but i wanted to write down a few thoughts of my own.

while i've read other inspiring stories where red lipstick stole center stage, including "why i wore lipstick to my mastectomy" and therefore witnessed, so to speak, the power of the color, i can't say that other than a random oct. 31, i have tried that power myself.

we found lipstick queen's red sinner at tried it out. it was perfect for allison, accenting her blue eyes, pale skin and strawberry-blond hair. i myself was less enthused but had to admit that it made my green eyes pop. alli purchased the tube while i backed out at the last moment, bowing-out gracefully to a challenge i wasn't ready to step up to. and boy was i glad that i did. because despite the perfection in which i had applied it and the way that i rocked it the rest of the afternoon, my soon-to-be hubby was less enthralled with the look describing it as "different," "pink," (for reals) then "smeared" (AFTER he had kissed all over me).

i'm not sure why this upset me so much. was it because i really wanted (as i do most of the time) to look utterly flawless in everything allison does? or was it because i didn't want to hear anything other than "that looks amazing on you" - which was the way i had felt all afternoon?

when allison left today, she left that tube of lipstick for me. she reminded me that i needed things for myself. she reminded me that eric probably didn't know he liked my bond no. 9 scent before he met me. which made me think along these lines a bit more. eric probably didn't know he'd like tall girls in skinny jeans, 4-inch heels and long curls with a passion for miller lite, before he met me.

i thought about the sporadic, different, drastic and borderline crazy things i've done recently (late teens and early 20s don't count). i let someone dye my hair about 10 different colors to travel to russia and model. i've moved to boston to start a (semi) new life with a man, that after three years, i've agreed to spend the rest of my life with.

and what's the difference between doing these things and wearing red lipstick? OR what's the difference between wearing red lipstick and trading my skinny jeans for high-wasted trousers; my navy, wool, cropped pea coat for a faux leather jacket, my 4-inch miu mius for metallic Target flats or my juicy, leather, hobo bag for a pink, satin clutch? what's the difference between wearing red lipstick and wearing black lingerie, or painting my nails, or shaving my legs? as a woman, isn't it just another thing that i should be in tune with?

well, there isn't a difference. it's all the same because it's all different.

i'm different, your different. he's different. this city is different. my wardrobe is different. and every day, every single day, my thoughts, dreams and goals are different than the day before.

and i am ok. i can walk the sidewalks with crazy-colored hair, or where every one's a stranger. because i know who i am. this is the part where my sister would say that i live up to the nickname i earned those couple of weeks in russia and london with my crazy hair. this is when she would call me the phoenix.

and i suppose that i'm going to read just this in marie claire. i'm going to read a story that will inspire me (and others) to get rid of those feelings, people or things that make you think you can't walk around with your proverbial red lipstick on. i am going to read a story that let's me know that doing what's right in your gut, heart and head - even if it's not the norm - is always better than doing what's expected. i am going to read a story that is going to make me rise up and exercise my right, my duty as a female, a femme fatal even, to wear red.

Monday, September 15, 2008

for some much needed r&r eric and i headed to the cape on saturday. we topped off the fun-filled night with...passing out at 10. i guess the city (and school) has really been taking it out of us. but we returned home reminded that the cape and most importantly, each other is always there - which, during the week, can get a little blurred between all the passing cars, fast-paced walkers and too-cool cambridge natives.

i'm knee-deep in work, knee-deep in wedding planning and ankle-deep in loneliness. wouldn't all this stuff be more fun with a few giggling girlfriends around? i just have to wonder that picking out flowers, ceremony details and researching fun guest goodie bags wouldn't be so tedious. but, maybe i'm wrong. i also have to think that i wouldn't have so much time to change my mind about things like what i'm wearing/carrying/eating/etc. that day.

i'm also craving some mac & cheese from poole's diner (which i think is making me a little crazy). if you don't know the place or the dish, check it - quick.

eric's buddy george is coming into town this weekend - should be fun. and alli is coming in the following weekend. i can not WAIT to have her to pal around with. miss that face.

on a lighter note, my crazy cat has calmed (and quieted) down a bit.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

close call

it has dawned on me, that despite the vast boundaries of this big city, we are living in close quarters. i think, that in the past 5 weeks, i have been sneezed on, coughed at, brushed up against, smelt and just generally exposed to everyone else's...body, more than ever in my life.

Monday, September 8, 2008

shoes vs. sox

despite the insane amount of t-shirts, hats, foam fingers, etc. that display the infamous red sox logo, it has been my observation that the city of boston does not actually wear socks. from what i have seen, this is a flip-flop city. i'm certainly not talking about boston's loyalty to their beloved baseball team, or to the democratic party, but to shoes.

i'm still not quite used to asking eric what pair of flops looks best with my jbrands or dvf dress and i have to say, i hope i never am. because that would mean that i have joined the city in its clear under-appreciation for the heel.

i get it. we walk. we have to walk 10 minutes just to get to the T, another 3-5 minutes up and down some stairs to get on the T, and then no telling how long once you get off the T. and for me, it's not about walking in my heels and hurting my feet (my feet gave up on being comfortable and beautiful a long time ago) it's about hurting my shoes. but mostly it is the internal pain i feel because i can't regularly put on that shiny pair of red heels, or those perfect, black, go-with-everything pumps.

i welcomed the hurricane rains on saturday when we went to see my morning jacket, and i slipped on my red hunter wellies. it was the perfect occasion to break them in was the perfect show. eric and i had so much fun singing and dancing, and thanks to his cousin we had some killer seats.

ryan adams rocked it out last night and kept us dancing and singing some of our favorites. the man couldn't describe love, loss, loneliness better. he also has written some pretty amazing words about love. singing with eric, "it takes two where it used to take one" couldn't have made me happier, as i realized that line was beautiful and had become so apparently true in my life.

overall, great music weekend on the bay in boston. the next few weekends friends and family will be visiting and i'm looking forward to seeing some familiar faces and asking them to "come pick me up, take me out."

Friday, September 5, 2008

the first of many

this week, although a short one (thank you labor day), was a long one. eric began school and his nights have been filled with reading. if this is any preview to the next three years then i better get my booty acquainted with boston...and quick.

while my commute to work and back keeps me occupied, looking at the skyline, peeping into windows of shops, and wandering the streets watching people and noting their style, i have yet to delve into the true boston scene - minus a few great places for food.

however, this weekend eric and i are off to the bank of america pavilion to see mmj on saturday and ryan adams on sunday. we're also exploring a little of central square for a new scene to partake in an old pastime.

we've been running in the late afternoons and it's fantastic here. just a few blocks away you hit the river and along all the back roads of each neighborhood there are constant streams of little shops, bakeries and restaurants. too cute.

i know the winter will be harsh, but i have to say, i'm ready for fall.