Monday, January 7, 2013

self portrait.

If I knew then what I know now, I would never have wasted even a single minute doubting my path. It may be human nature to question and doubt, but the older I get, the less I worry about anything. I can see life unfolding in divine order. And even in times of the greatest turmoil, I can stop, get still, and see with utter clarity: This, too, shall pass.

Because everything always does. Until finally, we do. 

No matter what you're struggling through -- no matter the pain or anguish -- you can go inside behind your mind and observe it happening to you. Whatever it is, it isn't you. You are the observer.
When you come to know this, you realize that even though the canvas of your life is painted with daily experiences, behaviors, reactions, and emotions, you're the one controlling the brush. 

What a wonder! It would have been nice to know this at 21. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache and self-doubt. But to fully understand, at any age, that you are the artist of your own life -- and can use as many colors and textures as possible (and erase when necessary!)... now, that's a revelation.

- Oprah Winfrey in her op-ed in the Huffington Post

this thought by Oprah is a great reminder to me today, this year and pretty much always. i feel that i'm fortunate to have gained great insight at a young age about how special and fun life is - even when it feels hard, sad, unfair or just plain tough. i truly look at every day as a blessing that holds great opportunity. i've always loved looking back and connecting dots that show a clear path to where i am now (most of those dots i was never able to see at the time), but over the past few years i've challenged myself to enjoy looking forward as well. these days, it's no longer a challenge, as these thoughts and day dreams of my future tend to flow freely.

i spent a lot of 2012 thinking about how far i'd come in so many ways and it was such fun thinking about how i'd gotten here. as the year rounded out and i was approaching my 30th birthday i started to reflect on where i was going in a very different way than i ever had before. i thought about what i started out to do in my life - personal and professional - and i assessed my progress thus far. there were times when i wondered if i'd strayed from my path or even, in more intimate moments with myself, abandoned the whole thing altogether. but i closed out the year and my third decade without a doubt in my mind that i'd done good.

i have many goals/resolutions for 2013. as i've mentioned before, i like to keep a list of no-brainers in the round-up to be sure and stick to good habits. but i've created a few that will no doubt bring some fun, wisdom and challenges as well. but my greatest resolution is not only to not doubt my path in 2013, wherever it may take me, eric, my career or our home. but to also not spend so much time worrying about it. i aim to use my colors wildly and freely and, as Oprah suggests, erase if needed.

here's to another great year!

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