DIY design

yessir. and i'm thankful every single day for it.

it takes three to make a thang go right.

man oh man i found this quote at the perfect time. after 8 years of being together 5.5 years in MA and 4.5 years of marriage, e and i are excited to be expecting our first bebe. we're excited and we're scared. like terrified.

over the last few months i've posted some thoughts and quotes about the route of life in general, taking chances and having a little faith. some of these i posted when i hoping to get pregnant, others i posted after i found out and was waiting, hoping, praying that all would go well in those first few weeks. but perhaps it's this write up that i think sums up my and e's feelings about our decision to do this thing.

i'm not saying we're great (although, i kinda think we ain't bad) but i'm saying that in order to BE great, to even approach that path, you gotta do somethings you're completely and utterly petrified of. for me and e, after moving away from home and leaving our family and friends, making the decision to stay away from home, and traveling to some cool places where we went on some questionable hikes, jumped off steep cliffs and snorkeled with barracudas, the next most-scary thing we could think of was switching it all up completely and making room for a third little beale-fletcher. there were many talks including phrases like "what if..." "but how do we..." and "will we still..." but ultimately e and i just knew what we wanted with each other and while we have NO IDEA what it will bring, we're pretty positive we'll find a really amazing piece of ourselves and our relationship on the other side that we didn't know existed. and that's what i'm pretty pumped about.

because i have been there before. i have done things i never knew i could, been places i never thought i'd go, seen things i never dreamed of seeing and because of all that, i've found pieces of myself that have helped me become a woman even bigger than i ever could have prayed to become.

a little bit of everything.

this past weekend e and i headed down to NC to witness my good friend of 17 years, n, get hitched on the very sands we did. the ceremony was private and pretty, and the bride was pure perfection.

n has been in my life the longest of all my bff's. she knows much about me and we've shared stories, laughs, cries and dreams over almost 2 decades. earlier this year, i made my way to nashville to visit n during one of her travel nursing stints. while the slew of beers, line dancing and shots enjoyed late into the night revealed that we indeed held the same fire for a good party as we did when we met as young'ns, our conversations about present life and future goals proved we've certainly grown quite a bit. over a proper southern breakfast on sunday morning, n asked me about marriage. she wanted to hear my honest account of it so far - the good, the bad and the ugly. she had many questions and concerns that i remember having as a newly-engaged woman and a new bride, and i was happy to share my thoughts and even a few tips with her. for a couple of hours, between country ham and cups of coffee i opened up about what marriage was like for me and what nearly 4 years of the institution had taught and changed about me/my life. when n dropped me off at the airport for my flight back home, i hoped that i had in some way calmed her soul. bottom line, n was in line to marry a great man. one who would undoubtedly be an excellent partner to her throughout her life. and that fact trumped all of my advice.

a few months later i was honored when she asked me to write and read something in her wedding. i didn't have to dig deep, but i did aim to be as honest as i was that morning in nashville. i wanted to sum up not just what marriage meant, but love in general. i wanted to make clear how easy love is, as long as you understand it's very complicated. below is what i came up with:

Since the beginning of time, people have written about love. Those stories have appeared in great and simple works from the Bible to blogs. Movies have been made and songs sung, about an endless search for, a painful time spent in and a life-changing realization about, love. From a young age, we learn that love is where we came from. We’re surrounded by it and therefore set out to find it in ourselves and in another. And when we do – or even if we don’t – we realize it’s the thing we hope is around us when we die. It’s easy to spend so much time agonizing over this four letter word: What does it mean, where does it go, how do you know it’s real. But you can see it, feel it and, actually give it to someone else, which makes me believe love is so much easier than we realize.

Yes, it’s important to remember, love is patient and love is kind, but it’s also light and dark. It’s happy and sad. It’s exciting and it’s scary. It’s a whisper, it’s a shout. Most days fly by but some drag on. 

The fact is, true love is a little bit of everything. And today is your declaration to the world that you both understand this. Over the years, things will surely change but only because your love will grow to unimaginable levels. If you allow these transformations and accept the vulnerability that sometimes comes with this commitment to love, in return you will receive an undying satisfaction that you never could have dreamed of.

arriving right in time.

so so true. i recently was talking to a friend about how sometimes i reflect back where i was and am really amazed at where i've ended up. many moons ago, there was a time this gal never dreamed of being a wife or living in boston or even working a steady 9 to 5. call it being young or, let's be real, stubborn...but i just couldn't fathom certain levels (OK, any level) of organized consistency in my life. i never would've paired myself with a harvard lawyer, waiting out the snow-filled new england winters only to enjoy long summer days on the cape or north shore (on our time off from the firms, of course!).

i was kinda obsessed with not having any direction so i could be open to it all. oh, young, crazy me (although, i think i've done good!). then, after meeting e, i kinda became obsessed about having a plan. i wanted to create a timeline for my life. (i found out quickly that's the biggest joke of all).

this recent move has had me reeling. have we over-stayed our time in boston? should we have bought a place? did we make the right decision about "this" and do the right thing about "that?" basically, i've been asking myself, "What are we DOING?!?" sometimes i feel that because e and i are certain ages or have been together a certain amount of time, there are certain things that we should be doing - or have done already. so i feel in some ways i'm back here again, wondering where we are going and wanting to find an answer.

this is a nice reminder that no one really knows. maybe there's a general direction, but the location or timing is never disclosed until, well, you arrive. so thanks to mr. watterson, i'm telling myself to continue taking it all in, in stride and right in time.
xox