there was a dream...

and one day i could see it.

minutes after i found out i was pregnant: (3-4 weeks)

33 weeks preggo

those lines up top are from an avett brothers song and i just love them. although e and i didn't get serious about starting a family until last year, being pregnant and becoming a mom was something i naturally always thought/wondered about. how i'd look and feel and dress. as we began to give the thing a real go, starting this chapter was something i dreamed about - day and night - constantly.

now i see this little bean inside me (and very clearly at that!) and it's glorious. we're six weeks out (give or take) from meeting the one that's been kickin' around in my belly for quite some time. in a way, those six weeks still seem far off, but in others, the life-changing meeting seems like it's tomorrow.

as the big day draws closer, i'm finding myself short on sleep and long on a to-do list. but my mind wanders off, thinking of the past. stages of my life flash before me at the oddest times creating an amazing montage that reminds me where i've been, who i've been and people i've met. i think about the future a bit - where i will go, who i will become and who i will meet. it's bittersweet and beautiful, and unlike any thing i've experienced before.

e and i are enjoying these last few weeks/weekends to ourselves and each other before we officially get a new roommate. we're taking bets on who's nose it will have and calculating its chance of being a redhead, and we're of course wondering the big q: when it's all said and done, will we have a son or daughter.

out of all our adventures since we left home, this will for sure be the biggest and bring the most joy. above all, it will undoubtedly change my perspective forever.

if you like (virgin) pina coladas.

last week e and i escaped the polar vortex part deux and headed (way) down south to one of our favorite places: vieques. it was the third time we've visited this little island in the caribbean, right off the coast of puerto rico, and time and time again it's proven to be an excellent destination for us.

what ensued were 5 days filled with secluded beaches, snorkeling, eating sticky, fresh fruits, reading and just enjoying each other's company. many called this a babymoon, but we just called it vacation. we've made a commitment over the years to do a little winter escape and this year was no different. but in some ways, it did feel more special.

i'd been on the fence with taking maternity photos, but in the end, i knew i really wanted to capture this time in our lives. so i thought that vieques would be a natural, low-key backdrop for us. i found a photographer and we shot a few photos at the house we stayed in once again as well as on the beach, and i was pleased with what he captured. still, in looking at these photos, the ones e took on his phone and even just glancing at my shadow in the sand, it was hard for me to grasp the fact that i'm pregnant. my body, which has gradually changed to me + e each day, drastically showed it's transformation when i was in a swimsuit. it's pretty amazing how it's grown to accommodate this little one inside of me - knowing it's not done but any means, but that so much progress has taken place.

leaving vieques was bittersweet this year. i knew that a mental (and even more of a physical) transformation was going to take place over the next three months to get me through the end of my pregnancy and labor. i knew that demands for my time specifically would increase and that my relationship with many - myself included - would also go by way of my pre-baby body. and much like that silhouette in the sand that was hard for me to recognize, this too is something that i just can't wrap my head around yet. i also knew that our times in vieques (and beyond) would never be the same again. in the same vein, i knew my heart would change as well for the most lovely reason.

when shit gets real in april, vieques will undoubtedly be my happy place where i'll allow my mind to escape. and one day - hopefully next winter, we'll get to share this great getaway with our little bean. and tell it stories of how we sat on those beaches and decided to give the baby thing a go. then the next year, we sat on the porch of that big house and discussed what their name would be. most importantly, it will always be where e and i escaped to carve out uninterrupted time for each other where we would discuss our hopes, dreams and goals. then return to real life to try and make them happen.

DIY design

yessir. and i'm thankful every single day for it.

it takes three to make a thang go right.

man oh man i found this quote at the perfect time. after 8 years of being together 5.5 years in MA and 4.5 years of marriage, e and i are excited to be expecting our first bebe. we're excited and we're scared. like terrified.

over the last few months i've posted some thoughts and quotes about the route of life in general, taking chances and having a little faith. some of these i posted when i hoping to get pregnant, others i posted after i found out and was waiting, hoping, praying that all would go well in those first few weeks. but perhaps it's this write up that i think sums up my and e's feelings about our decision to do this thing.

i'm not saying we're great (although, i kinda think we ain't bad) but i'm saying that in order to BE great, to even approach that path, you gotta do somethings you're completely and utterly petrified of. for me and e, after moving away from home and leaving our family and friends, making the decision to stay away from home, and traveling to some cool places where we went on some questionable hikes, jumped off steep cliffs and snorkeled with barracudas, the next most-scary thing we could think of was switching it all up completely and making room for a third little beale-fletcher. there were many talks including phrases like "what if..." "but how do we..." and "will we still..." but ultimately e and i just knew what we wanted with each other and while we have NO IDEA what it will bring, we're pretty positive we'll find a really amazing piece of ourselves and our relationship on the other side that we didn't know existed. and that's what i'm pretty pumped about.

because i have been there before. i have done things i never knew i could, been places i never thought i'd go, seen things i never dreamed of seeing and because of all that, i've found pieces of myself that have helped me become a woman even bigger than i ever could have prayed to become.